Jefferson County Online A part of the IAGenWeb and USGenWeb Projects Who's Who in 1921 & 1922 James Ellert Cohagen

"The Fairfield Tribune"
Thursday, May 19, 1921
Page SIX

NO. 15

JAMES ELLERT COHAGEN

FIRST, LET US SAY, in the interests of the exact truth which has ever marked this department, the incident above depicted was not drawn from a photograph but was drawn from a very dramatic description furnished by a party we have every reason to believe was familiar with the facts. So the imagination of the cartoonist has been called upon to supply many of the details; there is a possibility therefore, that the exact truth has not been adhered to in some of the non-essentials. If so, it is the first time such a lapse has occurred in this column. With this explanation, we will proceed.

Doubtless you have never seen James Ellert in the garb here pictured; equally doubtless you have never seen him with that peculiar wild, staring expression of eye, that tense position and groping hands. That's because you have never seen James Ellert trying to fit a phantom automobile tire to a bedpost while he was asleep. You should see him.

You see it was Co's first automobile and he'd had something like a dozen punctures that day in a tire that didn't fit. Co didn't say much about it because his wife was present and the girl's didn't (sic) wear their hair over their ears at that time. But he did a bit of thinking. Also he did a lot of work. It was in the days when tires were pumped up by hand, you know. When he went to bed that night he was almost too tired to say his prayers, and it was a time when he particularly needed to say a repentant prayer after all that had passed through his mind while he was fooling with that cussed tire.

That tire got on his mind during his sleep and Co was determined to make the blamed thing fit. When his wife awoke Co was trying to fit an imaginary tire to the bed post, and wasn't having much more luck than he had with the real one during the day.

This experience came near robbing the world of a mighty good automobile man, for James Ellert expressed himself rather strongly in regard to the mentality of any man who would own and drive an automobile. There were one or two fellows he had it in for a bit though, so he decided to wish automobiles off on them and then quit. Selling them came so easy he concluded to stay in the game. Now you couldn't drive him out of it.

Co was born on a farm--out around Blakesburg. After he'd finished school he had a notion he would like to follow farming for a living. So when an old farmer out his way offered him a job Co said he'd take it if it was a steady one. "Sure," the farmer told him.

Co worked the first day as long after supper as he could see--got to bed about 11 o'clock. Farmer called him about 3 a. m. and said 'twas time to go to work. Co worked till about six o'clock, then they stopped for breakfast. After breakfast Co gathered his extra clothes into a bandana and started toward home.

"I'm going to quit," he told the farmer.

"What in Sam Hill 'smatter with you?" demanded the farmer. "I thought you wanted a steady job."

"I did," Co told him. "That's why I'm quitting--losing too much time here. Lost nearly four hours sleeping last night, and here we're laid off nearly an hour to eat! Goodbye!"

Which may serve to emphasize to you the fact that James Ellert Cohagen is a lad who likes to stay on the job pretty steady like. that's why he quit the hardware business up at Hedrick--trade wasn't steady enough.

They wanted to run Co for mayor this spring; if he wouldn't take that job they were going to wish off the job of councilman-at-large on him. Might have done it except James Ellert was a bit too wise for 'em, having once served on the council. Finally he told them he'd serve if they nominated the right kind of fellows for the rest of the ticket. When Co learned what the ward nominations were he went to the convention and blocked every effort to have his name used as a candidate. Of course, that wasn't knocking the ticket, at all. Not many men who are big enough to turn down such honors as that. And Co did it while he was awake too.

Because of his inside knowledge of the complex ways of city councils James Ellert is a pretty handy kind of a chap to put on a committee to "fix" the council. When there's anything coming up in which a bit of city help or friendliness is needed, Co is appointed to "see the council." And when he comes into the council chamber the mayor and every blamed councilman rises and asks him to have a seat. When he states the little request he has to make the unanimous answer invariable is, "Why certainly, Mr. Cohagen." You see he has a bit of the blarney which has descended from some Irish king ancestor of his. If you're not ready yet to buy a car--and a Buick, at that--don't engage James Ellert in conversation on the subject; if you do you're pretty certain to be riding in a Buick before long and showing all of your friends how it is superior in every way to all other cars. You can't help it after talking to Co. And just because he was detected once trying to fit a phantom tire on a bedpost, while asleep, you must not for a minute think he doesn't know better, for he has some little knowledge of the automobile--particularly the Buick. And he's very much awake usually, is James Ellert Cohagen, very much indeed.