Jefferson County Online A part of the IAGenWeb and USGenWeb Projects Who's Who in 1921 & 1922 Benjamin Franklin Crail

"The Fairfield Tribune"
Thursday, June 23, 1921
Page SIX

NO. 19

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN CRAIL

Ever since this department was inaugurated the Tribune has consistently refrained from being discriminating regarding the personal appearance of the subject, and has printed the pictures of some of the city's homeliest men as well as those handsome chaps like John Huglin, Hiram Heaton, Wilbur Dole, et al. It would be a serious reflection on a man's looks indeed, if a newspaper were to refuse to print his picture because he was so homely. It is true that the average newspaper prides itself a great deal upon its appearance and does not like to publish in it anything which would disfigure its pages, but it often does so rather than give offense.

Now, the Tribune confesses to a great deal of pride in its appearance and admits that it has often been tempted to omit the features of some notoriously homely man just for the sake of typographical appearance. But it has consistently and courageously hewed to the line thus far, endeavoring to improve on the facial features of the subject in the cartoon drawing whenever this is possible. There are times when such an improvement is impossible, however.

Far be it from the Tribune to say that a picture of any man in this or any other issue is omitted because of the reasons set forth above. That would be casting reflections. And if this department was not esteemed so much because of its high regard for the exact truth we might apologize for the missing picture by stating that it was lost in the mails, or got smashed on the press. We scorn such untruths.

However, the picture of Benjamin Franklin Crail does not adorn this page and the reader is privileged to draw his own conclusions as to the reason. With this preface we will now proceed to sketch briefly some of the hitherto unpublished facts in the life of our hero.

At the outset it is well to inform you that the Benjamin Franklin Crail referred to here is not the esteemed pioneer, Capt. B. F. Crail, but is the Frank Crail who is engaged in the market business on the south side. People often get the names confused--but never the men. Frank says there's such a lot of Crails around the country that he sometimes gets 'em pretty badly mixed up himself. But he has one infalliable test (sic) which he applies whenever a stranger drops in to see him and boasts of being named Crail, and a relative. Case like that happened not long ago. Young man came into Frank's store and said he was named Crail , but Frank didn't know him.

"Take off your hat," Frank told him.

The young man did so and exposed a cranium that was beginning to get bald.

"Do you like to work?" was asked of him, to which he replied that he didn't.

"Well, I guess your name's Crail, all right, if you are getting bald headed and don't like to work," Frank told him. He says this is a sure test.

When the composing room learned that there would be no picture of Frank accompanying this article, a grouchy printer observed that if we were to print a picture of his hand it would be sufficient to identify him.

"Everybody in town knows Frank Crail's hand," the printer said, "for we never buy meat of him but what we have to pay for that hand."

Frank does have a big hand, and its weight is estimated by different people at from four ounces to two pounds and a half according to the amount of meat you are buying when he weighs it. Folks like Frank's hand to take hold of and shake, because it has a good, strong, honest grip, but some people complain about having to pay for it every time Frank weighs some meat for them. Having bought and paid for the hand several times, they say is enough and they think Frank ought not to be always giving them the glad hand. That hand has been weighed and found not wanting, not by a long shot, say the people.

You can't talk to Benjamin Franklin Crail very long without hearing him apologize for being in the business he is in.

"I wasn't always in this business," he tells you, and adds proudly, "I worked as a printer for ten years.' ' He is mighty proud of this bright spot in his life and always takes occasion to refer to it whenever there is a company of highbrows present. He takes a sort of proprietary interest in the Fairfield newspapers even now because he said he worked on all of them and got them all on their feet.

Benjamin Franklin partakes of some of the characteristics of his great namesake and is quite a philosopher. Beneath an exterior of jolly goodnature there runs a serious, thoughtful vein. He believes that it is a God-given privilege for human beings to live their lives until called to their reward from natural causes. With a cow it's different, he says. He does not believe in a steer dying of old age; when they reach the ripe old age of nine or ten years he thinks they should be cut up into food. Frank is charged by some with practising this philosophy. He is very fond of cattle, but does not like horses. Naturally, he should have an affection for cattle for they furnish him a source of livelihood, while it is rather difficult to educate people to liking horse meat. Though of course this isn't saying that Frank ever tried, nor that this is the reason for his dislike of horses.

But you'll like Benjamin Franklin Crail--everybody does. Three minutes with him will turn a grey world into a bright, sunny one because you'll find him always cheery and dispensing the doctrine of contentment and happiness. And he has a heart in him as big as that hand of his; maybe not that big, but at least as big as one of his fifty-cent pork roasts.

All in all, Benjamin Franklin is a pretty square kind of a chap and he has done his full share toward making many a poor devil wish to live longer. In all charity we must excuse him for weighing his hand along wit his meat sales, if it is true that he does it, and he probably does so without thinking, anyway. but there's a lot of people--needy folk--who will swear to it that Frank weighs his heart along with his meat lots of times, too, even if he does weigh his hand. And that it doesn't always matter a great deal to him if these folk are too poor to pay. And so far as his homeliness is concerned--well, you know the most homely face is often transformed into one divinely beautiful by a smile. There's nothing particularly divine about that face of Benjamin Franklin Crail's, but it's a face that wins your friendship--and your meat orders.