Pg 41

HUMOR

Toots: “Aw, shut up!”

Neoma M.: “Say, you’re the biggest nut in this Latin class.”

Mr. Kidder: “Girls, girls, don’t forget I’m here.”

Doctor: “As I said, you’ve just regained consciousness after the crash. I’m Doctor Peter, and _____ _____ _____”

Danny: “O! For a second you gave me a shock. I thought you said you were St. Peter.”

“HIAWATHA”
(With Apologies to Longfellow)

I.

In the land of Arrow Collars,

By the valley of Corona,

Where the lover Instant Postum

Met his sweetheart Cutie Cura.

II.

By the mountain of Fels-Naptha

In the hut of Beaver Board

Dwelt they then with Aunt Jemina,

Mother of Cutie Cura.

III.

On the shores of Euralyptol

Hard unto the Liquid Tar Soap.

Aunt Jemina, with her kodak

Stood out and pointed to Crisco.

IV.

“Yonder dwells the Locomobile

In the forest of O’Cedar.

He it was who killed Van Heusen,

Slew him with his Kuppenheimer.”

V.

Boldly then the Instant Postum

Seized his trusty Biflex Bumper,

Gave his bride one last fond Djer-Kiss

Kissed her by the Coca-Cola.

VI.

“I am going, Curie Cura,

On a long and distant journey,

Where the great names Skinner’s Satin

And Palmolive are unknown.”

VII.

“Guard you well our Daughter Jell-o,

And our last born baby, Newskin.”

Launched he then his Evinrude barque

On the shining Pluto Water.

VIII.

Stood she then and munched the Grape-Nuts,

And he chugged-chugged toward the sunset,

While she smiled the smile of Iv’ry

Shed she tears of Listerine.

FIRST SEMESTER REPORT

Fierce lessons

Late hours

Unexpected company

Not prepared

Kicked out.

Lost, strayed or stolen from my desk, a little book entitled, “Hints on Flirtations.” Miss Jenna Beadle

Richardson: “He was driven to his grave.”

Warren C.: “Sure he was. Did you expect him to walk?”

Mr. Kidder: “Is there anyone in the class who was not troubled with the last sentence?”

Marjorie C.: “I wasn’t troubled by it.”

Mr. Kidder: “All right! You may translate it.”

Marjorie: “I didn’t get that far.”

Doug Mc: “Say Casey, do you know what Henry Ford is figuring on now?”

Casey: “No! What?”

Doug: “Paper.”

Pg 42

HUMOR

Hartwig (to Ruth B.): “Do you really think that absence makes the heart grow fonder?”

Ruth: “I don’t know, but you might try it for a night or two.”

Woodrow: “How do you spell phthisis?”

Howard B.: “Just as I d—n please.”

Harold D.: “I’m no fool.”

Danny: “Well, you’re pretty near one.”

Harold: “That’s so, guess I’d better move over to the other side of the room.”

THE VOICE OF THE SCHOOLBOY

    Examples of “Howlers,” taken from schoolboy’s history and science papers.

The earth makes a “resolution” every twenty-four hours.

All the world except the United States lies in the “temperance zone.”

Things that are equal to each other are equal to anything else.

“Barbarians” are things put in bicycle wheels to make then run smoothly.

Shakespeare lived at Windsor with his “merry wives.”

The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with “vermin.”

Henry VIII was cruel to Ann Boleyn and ironed her. (The History had said, “He pressed his suit on her.”

Queen Elizabeth rode through Coventry with nothing on and Sir Walter Raleigh offered her his cloak.

Miss Richardson: “What do you know about Fielding?”

Kissy: “Nothing much. I was always pitcher on the team whenever I played.”

Warren: “You Seniors aren’t what you used to be.”

Danny: “How’s that?”

Pender: “You were Juniors last year, weren’t you?”