MUSCATINE COUNTY, IOWA SCHOOL NEWS

Transcribed, by Beverly Witmer on September 25, 2019

Page 28

Rogue’s Gallery

1st row:

Twila Van Horn – Alias: “Squirrel” – Crime: Parking too long

Geneva Foster – Alias Unknown – Crime: Disturbing the peace

Genevieve McKillip – Alias: “Kelly” – Crime: Blocking traffic

2nd row:

Ray Sterner – Alias: “Squirt” – Crime: Studying too hard

John Ellsworth – Alias: “Jonny” – Crime: Excessive BREEZE!

Dean Sterner – Alias: “Daddy” – Crime: Fox hunting

Robert Ervin – Alias: “Bob” – Crime: Cutting classes (an art, not a crime)

        The above mentioned seniors have been summoned before the Atalissa Bar of Justice and found guilty. In the name of the law, F. M. Hartung, G. W. Merridith, and M. A. Anderson have sentenced them to life terms at hard labor—said sentences becoming effective on the morning of May 13, in the year of our Lord, 1944.

Signed (signatures)

                       F. M. Hartung
                       G. W. Merridith
                       M. C. Anderson

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

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CHEER UP !!!!!!! It’s gravity that keeps things down.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Modern Pastoral Elegy, or Epitaph in the Memory of

DICK MILLER

Dick, gentle Dick: Where art thou now?

Where is that guy that can raise such a row?

The guy with that demon-like, “innocent” grin.

The guy who thought whispering such a great sin.

Where is the guy who was right on the ball?

Where’s the noise gone from the old study hall?

Where’s thy close-cropped head working hard with thy studies?

On aiming the chalks at the heads of thy buddies?

Where is the guy who could raise all that cane?

Parting—ah, parting was such a sweet pain.

Shepard of mischief, and now art thou fled.

How thou art missed, as we black sheep all said.

Where is the guy who was always so cocky?

Where art thou,

Where art thou,

Where art thou, Jockey?

Refrain: Hey diddle, hi diddle, doon a doon goodle! Off to the seas with our new Yankee Doodle!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Delores: How did your father know we went out in the car?

Dean: Quite simple. Remember that man we ran into? That was Father.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Ed White: Is there anything worse than a man without a country?

Joyce G.: Yes, a country without a man.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Dick Ervin was teaching Laurine arithmetic. (He said it was his mission.)

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now, that’s addition.”

Then on he added, smack by smack, in silent satisfaction.

Laurine timidly gave one back and said, “Now, that’s subtraction.”

Then she kissed him and he kissed her without an explanation.

Then together they both said, “Now, that’s multiplication.”

But Poppa Burns came on the scene and snorted in derision.

He kicked poor Dick three blocks away and said, “That’s LONG DIVISION!”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Eleanor: How old are you, Erma?

Erma: Fifteen

Eleanor: A girl of 15 should tell her mother everything.

Erma: I know it; but Mother is so innocent—really I haven’t the heart.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Marilyn W.: What part of the car causes the most accidents?

Twila V. H.: The nut that holds the wheel.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

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Bob E: You informed me a while ago that you were going to sleep.

Kelly: Yes, I was.

Bob E: Then what were you doing at the garden gate when the soldiers passed by?

Kelly: Having forty winks.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

John E.: Do you believe in clubs for women?

Ray S.: Yes, if kindness fails.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Geneva F.: Have you a garage?

Rodney H.: I don’t know. Shirley Miller just went to get my car out of it.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Mike S.: What is more beautiful than a pretty girl to behold?

Ray O.: You have bad grammar. You mean—“to be held”.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Mrs. Merridith: How many sexes are there?

Ron Bridgford: Three.

Mrs. M.: Name them.

Ron: The male sex, the female sex, and insects.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Here’s Rodney Hadley’s ambition which was revealed in psychology class: “I want to be a minister because I will be able to make a good salary. I won’t have to work in the week and I will never miss Sunday School or Church.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Harold Noll: Why do they claim that marriage is an institution?

Virgil Noll: Because marriage is love; love is blind; therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Mrs. Fitzgerald: Nowadays one can’t trust anybody. The grocer gave me a bad quarter this morning.

Miss Hannon: Let me see it.

Mrs. F.: I can’t. I paid the milkman with it.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Word Daffynitions

        In economics class, Mr. Hartung stated: The man who saves money these days isn’t a miser; he is a wizard.”

        Biology: Dick Miller claimed the caterpillar to be the smallest fur-bearing animal. And Steve Hobbs said that the most potent poison is the airoplane (one drop from that and you’re dead).

        Then there was Delbert Phillips who reported that “reverie” is the umpire at a basketball game. Dick E. claims the United States has only two seasons—basketball and baseball. Ray Oepping thinks the “3R’s” of education are: “Rah! Rah! Rah!”

        Don Babcock thinks a “pen-name” is what a person calls their fountain pen when it’s leaking. And Shirley Schmidt signed her paper “Mae West” because she done ‘em wrong.